Schwarzkopf takes a bullet for GHWB

Always the good soldier, Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf stepped up to save his ailing commader in chief, in a move reminiscent of the immortal John Candy’s sacrifice that extend Kurt Cobain’s miserable life another few years.

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Kincaid/Wallace/Clark

“I view art as an inspirational tool,” Thomas Kindaid told The New York Times in 2001. “People who put my paintings on their walls are putting their values on their walls: faith, family, home, a simpler way of living, the beauty of nature, quiet, tranquillity, peace, joy, hope. They beckon you into this world that provides an alternative to your nightly news broadcast.” And therein was revealed is disdain for the news. And who was a greater journalist than THE journalist, Mike Wallace.

Mr. Wallace, in addition to being the consummate newsman, was a handsome man. It is said that he did a “mirror, mirror” bit, like the evil queen in Snow White, but asking it instead who the most youthful one of all was. Yet, everytime, the answer came back the same. “Dick Clark.” No more need be known to understand Wallace’s selection. The Collective grieves for the loss of America’s oldest teenager. As he passes, so does our nation’s youthfulness.

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Kelley/Cornelius/Dundee

Mike Kelley, artist, pop culture afficionado, and Destroy All Monsters member, ever the trickster, has apparently, via his own suicide, fooled Don Cornelius into killing himself under a mistaken sense of duty to join the Etta James triad recently closed. Cornelius had not, of course, heard of Sarah Burke who actually initiated that triad (see below). Upon his passing, it was not surprising to see Cornelius take Angelo Dundee, given the bad blood between himself and Cassius Clay (as he still referred to him). At the end of the day, either his refusal to call him by his modern name, or just a lack of resolve, led to the deflection that took out Dundee.

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Paterno/Farentino/Hegyes

JoePa has dispatched fellow Italian-American James Farentino via the CDT portal. The dandy Farentino was certainly no favorite of JoePa after his stalking of Tina Sinatra. JoePa, a gentlemen, if not a gentle man, even in death. Farentino has retaliated by taking Juan Epstein (also known to some as Robert Hegyes). Farentino viewed the world through the lens of 1970’s TV, a time when his frequent guest appearances had made him a household name. From his perspective, how better to get back at a coach than to take a famous “sweathog.”

It appears that the Mayan Winter of Celebrity Death is upon us.

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Joe Paterno Code Red

This could herald the much-feared 2012 “Winter Celebrity Wipeout”.

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Burke Otis James

Daredevil Sarah Burke takes Hand Jive Otis – confused, she thought that he was the lead singer of Sha Na Na from the movie “Grease”. Sorry Johnny. In turn, Otis as the Godfather of the Blues, takes Etta James.

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Havel/Kim/Cheetah

A world leaders’ triad has revealed itself to the collective. As the world mourned the sad passing of the poet-statesman Havel, it also bore witness to his last humanitarian gesture as he took down the second-spoke in the Axis of Evil, Kim Jong-il. Mr. Kim, as bizarre and impotent in death as he was in life, chose Cheetah (the true king of the jungle, Tarzan’s protestations notwithstanding), aged 80, apparently the world’s oldest, as well as its most famous, chimp.

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