The Biggest Triad Since Elvis’ Passing

HOLLYWOOD, FL – FEBRUARY 3: Picture taken during the 60s of US comedian, director and singer Jerry Lewis. Born in 1926, Jerry Lewis appeared in about fifty films in the 50s and 60s such as “My friend Irma” with Dean Martin and directed different films such as “the Nutty Professor”. In the 70s he mainly acted in TV shows and the theater. (Photo credit should read STF/AFP/Getty Images)

For years, we’ve know that this day would come, and yet somehow kept it in the back of our minds. While the Collective had been on hiatus for a couple of years, Sunday’s tragedy necessitates comment. The King of Comedy, of humanitarianism, of slapstick, of, let’s face it, cool, has passed. R.I.P. Jerry Lewis (nee Levitch) is gone. While it is too early to thoughtfully comment, early indications are that a man who was a comedian in name only, Mr. Richard Gregory, initiated this, apparently empowered by the impending worldwide, total, eclipse. More details to follow.

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Celebrities falling fast in 2015

Hot on the heels of the recent Cocker/Lewis (the Cat)/Herrmann triad, the new year is off to a somber start as Mario Cuomo has taken Elly May Clampett just two days into 2015. His motivations were obvious. Code Orange for Jethro, the last surviving Hillbilly.

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Williams/Bacall/Rivers [Breaking News]

After wasting the life that Shirley Temple had granted him, Robin Williams used his tragic pick to take one of the more vulernable celebrities, Lauren Bacall. In light of her passing, a Code Red was issued for Kirk Douglas. However, in a surprising show of strength, Bacall has reached out and taken her old nemesis Joan Rivers. Details to follow.

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Gandolfini Targets Mandela

It appears that CDT heavy-hitter James Gandolfini has set his sights on Nelson Mandela. The Cooperative is keeping a close eye on events. Mandela to Code Red.

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Never bashful about his liberalism, Roger Ebert made a statement in death taking down conservative icon Margaret Thatcher. Less clear is why the Iron Lady would take out loveable Mouseketeer Annette Funnicello, but one can only conclude that it was part of long-standing resentment of the loose morals she displayed cavorting in a bikini throughout the Sixties. If only Annette had work a furkini.

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Breaking News: Franklin takes Chavez

In a stunning turn of events, 70’s sitcom icon Bonnie Franklin (who famously shunned underwear on the set), has taken Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. Details to follow.

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A Somber NYE

The Collective urges all to refrain from any bawdy celebrations this New Year’s Eve in memory of Dick Clark.  Perhaps next year Ryan Seacrest or Kathy Griffin or that dirty Jenny McCarthy can take up his mantle and carry on, as he did with Guy Lombardo so many years ago.  But this year is for remembering.

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